Tag Archives: parenting

From Fixer to Witness: Parenting Adult Children with Love, Trust, and Letting Go

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I was watching an episode of The Tamron Hall Show the other day, and the conversation centered on the need for mom groups for new mothers and those raising young children— spaces where support, shared wisdom, and reassurance are readily offered. It made me pause and reflect on my own journey, and on the women who walk alongside me in different seasons of life. I found myself thinking about mothers of adult children, a group that rarely gets the same attention, yet carries its own unique and complex challenges. Where are the spaces for us to wrestle with how to “mother well” when our children are no longer children? How do we navigate the delicate balance of staying present while releasing control? This season may be quieter and less visible, but it is no less significant, and I believe it requires just as much community, reflection, and grace.

Today is a day of a true confession…I have always been a fixer.

The one who steps in. The one who anticipates needs before they are spoken. The one who carries, organizes, nurtures, and makes a way out of no way. I was raised by strong Black women who modeled what it meant to hold a family together, even when life was heavy, uncertain, and unfair. They taught me how to love through action, how to sacrifice, and how to ensure that the people we love are cared for, protected, and provided for.

And now I am the mother of adult sons and fixing doesn’t work the same anymore.

The Tension of Love and Letting Go

Loving my sons deeply has never been the challenge. Supporting them has never been the question. The real work—the sacred, stretching, soul-level work—is learning how to love them without controlling them.

Because everything in me still wants to:

  • Offer the solution before they finish the sentence
  • Organize their next step
  • Protect them from disappointment
  • Tell them what they “should” do

But parenting adult children requires something different. It requires restraint. It requires trust. It requires me to sit with the truth that they are living lives that belong to them.

Lives shaped by their choices.
Their timing.
Their growth.
Their mistakes.
Their becoming.

And that truth can feel both beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

Standing at the Intersection

There is a quiet intersection I stand in as a mother, and I’m sure many of you do too:

“I have equipped you to be your own person”
and
“I worry about you in this unpredictable world.”

Both are true.

I see the values I instilled.
I see the strength, the intelligence, the resilience.
And still… I worry.

Not because I don’t trust them,
but because I know the world.

And this is where the shift happens.

I am no longer called to manage their lives.
I am called to bear witness to them.

From Fixer to Presence

Being present without taking over is a discipline. As a mother, I know the struggle with being in this space. I talk to women that share their struggle with being in this space.

It means:

  • Listening without interrupting with solutions
  • Asking instead of telling
  • Supporting without rescuing
  • Trusting without hovering

It means allowing silence in a space that was once filled with direction.

It means understanding that growth often comes through discomfort, and not rushing to remove that discomfort just because we can.

Letting Go and Letting God

Letting go is not about disengaging.
It is about releasing control.

It is about trusting that the same God who carries us, shapes us, and sustains us is also present in their lives.

Letting go means:

  • Releasing the illusion that we can control outcomes
  • Trusting that what we poured into them will rise when needed
  • Believing that they are not navigating life alone

Sometimes letting go looks like prayer instead of instruction.
Sometimes it looks like silence instead of strategy.
Sometimes it looks like stepping back when everything in you wants to step in.

And if I am honest, sometimes it looks like tears.

Ways to Be Present Without Taking Over

Parenting adult children is not passive, it is intentional in a new way. Here are practices I am learning to embrace:

1. Shift from Director to Consultant
Offer wisdom when invited, not imposed. Trust that they will come to you when they are ready to hear.

2. Practice Reflective Listening
Instead of fixing, reflect: “That sounds really hard.”
Presence often heals more than solutions.

3. Honor Their Autonomy
Even when you would choose differently, respect their right to choose.

4. Regulate Your Own Anxiety
Not every decision they make is a crisis. Breathe. Pause. Pray.

5. Stay Connected Without Controlling
Check in with love, not interrogation.
Connection, not compliance, is the goal.

6. Release Outcomes Daily
Letting go is not a one-time decision. It is a daily surrender.

Redefining Strength

The women who raised me were strong in ways that taught me to do.
This season is teaching me a different kind of strength, the strength to be.

To be present.
To be trusting.
To be prayerful.
To be still when I want to move.

Because sometimes the most powerful thing a mother can do is not fix.

It is to stand in love.
To trust what has been planted.
And to believe that what was poured into them will guide them.

A Closing Truth

I am still a fixer.

But I am learning to become something more.

A witness.
A supporter.
A safe place.
A praying mother.

And in this sacred transition I am discovering that letting go is not losing my role, it is evolving it.

And trusting that love—real love—knows when to hold on and when to release.

Understanding Teenagers and Their Mental Health: Insights from Inside Out 2

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As a mental health counselor, I was excited about Disney and Pixar’s new movie “Inside Out 2”! The emotions that Riley experiences, how she navigates her journey, how she interacts with her parents, and the real emotions that her parents face in this era of navigating their child’s life and experiences are real and can be scary! In all honesty, the reason I love the “Inside Out” series so much is because Riley and her parents are all of us who have any relationship with children (whether it be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, etc.). I sit and interact every week with young people who are trying to figure out life, and their parents who are often trying to do their best to walk with them through it all.

The teenage years are a time of profound transformation, encompassing emotional, physical, and psychological changes. These changes can sometimes lead to mental health challenges, making it crucial to understand and support teenagers during this period. “Inside Out 2” delves deep into the complexities of teenage emotions and mental health, offering valuable insights for us to consider. Let’s explore five significant points from the film that shed light on teenagers and their mental health.

1. The Complexity of Emotions

In “Inside Out 2,” we see an expansion of the emotional landscape introduced in the first movie. Teenagers experience a wider range of emotions, including more nuanced and conflicting feelings. The introduction of new emotions like embarrassment and jealousy highlight the increased complexity of teenage emotions. This complexity can often lead to confusion and stress for teenagers as they navigate their feelings.

Teenagers are often caught in a whirlwind of emotions. Encouraging them to recognize and name their emotions can be a powerful tool in helping them manage their mental health. Emotional awareness helps them understand the underlying causes of their feelings and will assist them in finding appropriate ways to address them. It is crucial for parents, teachers, and caregivers to validate teenagers’ emotions. Instead of dismissing their feelings as trivial or exaggerated, acknowledging their experiences can provide comfort and support to help them through their crisis.

2. The Role of Social Relationships

“Inside Out 2” emphasizes the importance of social relationships in a teenager’s life. Friendships, romantic relationships, and family dynamics play a significant role in shaping their emotional well-being. The film illustrates how positive relationships can provide support and resilience, while negative interactions can contribute to stress and anxiety.

Teenagers are heavily influenced by their peers. Positive peer relationships can foster a sense of belonging and self-worth, while toxic friendships can lead to feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Family support remains crucial during the teenage years. Open, supportive family environments can help teenagers feel secure and understood.

3. Identity Formation and Self-Discovery

A central theme in “Inside Out 2” is the process of identity formation. Teenagers are in a phase of self-discovery, trying to understand who they are and where they fit in the world. This journey can be exciting but also fraught with uncertainty and self-doubt.

Teenagers need the freedom to explore different aspects of their identity, including their interests, values, and beliefs. This exploration is essential for their development and self-understanding. Positive reinforcement and support can boost teenagers’ self-esteem, helping them feel more confident in their identity.

4. Coping with Stress and Anxiety

The film also addresses the increased levels of stress and anxiety that teenagers face. Academic pressures, social expectations, and the challenges of transitioning to adulthood can contribute to significant mental health struggles.

Teenagers need effective tools and strategies to manage stress. This includes time management skills, relaxation techniques, and healthy lifestyle choices. Having a reliable support system, including friends, family, and mental health professionals, is crucial for teenagers to cope with stress and anxiety.

5. The Power of Resilience and Adaptability

“Inside Out 2” highlights the resilience and adaptability of teenagers. Despite the challenges they face, teenagers have an incredible capacity to adapt and bounce back from difficulties. The film shows that with the right support and coping strategies, teenagers can develop resilience, which is essential for their mental health.

Resilience is not an innate trait but a skill that can be developed. Encouraging problem-solving skills, fostering a growth mindset, and teaching coping strategies can help build resilience. Helping teenagers understand that change is a natural part of life and equipping them with the skills to adapt can reduce anxiety and increase their ability to handle future challenges.

Practical Tips to Consider

Encourage journaling or other forms of self-expression to help teenagers articulate their emotions.

Create open channels of communication where teenagers feel safe discussing their feelings without judgment.

Encourage teenagers to build healthy friendships and be mindful of the impact of their social circles.

Foster strong family bonds through regular communication, family activities, and a supportive home environment.

Provide opportunities for teenagers to explore various interests and activities.

Offer unconditional support and encouragement as they navigate their identity journey.

Introduce stress-relief activities such as mindfulness, exercise, and hobbies.

Encourage teenagers to seek help from trusted adults and mental health professionals when needed.

Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort and perseverance rather than just outcomes.

Teach problem-solving skills and encourage teenagers to view challenges as opportunities for growth.

Final Thoughts

“Inside Out 2” provides a profound look into the emotional lives of teenagers, offering valuable lessons on their mental health. By understanding the complexity of teenage emotions, the importance of social relationships, the process of identity formation, the need for effective stress management, and the power of resilience, we can better support teenagers during this pivotal stage of their lives.

Supporting teenagers in their mental health journey involves creating environments where they feel understood, valued, and equipped to handle the challenges they face. As parents, educators, and caregivers, we can draw inspiration from “Inside Out 2” to provide the guidance and support that teenagers need to thrive emotionally and mentally.

It is also essential for parents and caregivers to find space to process their feelings and emotions. Here we have talked primarily about the teenager and their struggles, but the emotional toll parenting takes is real! The practical tips offered here apply to parents and caregivers as well. Continue to build your village, and know that we are all in this together!