I was challenged recently by a dear sister/friend/colleague, the Rev. Cokeisha Bailey Robinson, to write a mission statement for my life. This challenge came after we had a wonderful dinner conversation about family, purpose, call, and work. I shared some of my personal stories surrounding my feelings of being in the right spot professionally and personally, the continued editing of my life and career, and my belief that God will have me where I need to be right when I need to be there.

Now I am a person that is continually looking at my life and evaluating if I am in the right spot at the right time. I am processing (at least weekly, lol) my station in life and looking at how I can be better, do more, and have a greater impact on my community, so this call to write a mission statement was intriguing. As I thought about it, I thought about my purpose and focus on my goals, and I pondered how the statement would help me on this road, not only professionally, but personally.

Ken Coleman wrote an article for Ramsey Solutions, and in it he said “a personal mission statement defines who you are as a person (or as a team member where you work) and identifies your purpose – whether that’s on the job or simply in life. It explains where you see yourself in the future, how you plan to pursue that purpose, and why it matters so much to you”. Habakkuk 2:2-3 says “Then the Lord answered me and said: Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it.  For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”

Writing my personal mission statement was a challenge, because I wanted it to really speak to who I am and how I move through this life. I recognize that who I am at this time is a different version of who I was years ago, and I wanted it to reflect who I am at this stage in my life. I reflected on it for a little while and then I sat down and got to work. My mission statement is as follows: “I will be a source of light and love in the lives of my family and my community. I will be authentic in every relationship I encounter. I will speak truth in love in my daily speech, and will be unapologetically me everyday! My goal is to reflect Christ daily, and to live in peace, intentionality and purpose!” ~ Dr. Denise Y. Lewis

This statement allowed me to think through who and what is important to me, how I present in this world, how I will remain true to who I am, and how peace, intentionally and purpose are essential for me. This means I will not engage with things and people who aren’t feeding my soul, and I will be mindful of what drives me on a daily basis. Conversely, this requires me to engage with people who can uplift me and hold me accountable for what I put into the world. Accountability partners are important for me and help me grow in so many ways.

Now, there are a few of reasons I am sharing all of this with you. The first is that now you are part of my accountability team. I have put my mission statement out there and if you don’t see me living into it, you are free to pull my coattails to let me know (although I’m pretty certain that won’t be the case). I also want you to find your own accountability team and share with them what your goals are and how they can support you on your journey. The second, is that I am part of an amazing group of women in the group started by Amber Mabry called Vision Defined Women. Amber challenged us for the month of August to identify three goals we wanted to work on this month. One of my goals was to reboot my blog by August 15th. Well, today is August 15th and here we are! I am grateful for group of women I shared that goal with, because I felt that I needed to make sure I accomplished it because I said it publicly. Finally, I want to challenge you to think about who you are and what you want in this life, and to write your own personal mission statement. It is not something that should be rushed, but done so thoughtfully and with prayer. Take the time to really think about how you identify in this world and what that looks like in your everyday life. Once you do that, sit down in a quiet space and write the vision!

As I reflect on this day, I am reminded that this is a day that we celebrate, yet mourn. Today my mother would be 75 years old, and I continue to honor her in all that I do. In my remembrance of her, I remember her strength and the strength of those that went before me.

I was raised by all women…strong, independent, self-determined women! I was given the tools to be that same type of woman, not having to depend on anyone to have what I need. I was given the messages (both directly and indirectly) that I could stand on my own, I could do whatever I put my mind to, and I was to keep pushing through when adversity struck. Now please understand, I don’t belittle any of these messages as they have helped me accomplish some major goals in my life. For example, after flunking out of college at 18 for not doing what I needed to do during my freshman year, I eventually went back to that same institution years later to obtain my Ph.D.  I have rebounded from failed relationships, I have overcome incredible adversity, I have raised my children to be strong and capable young men who are making a difference in this world, and I have done so with great pride and forte.

When problems occur for me personally or for those in my family, I am one who tries to make sure everyone is ok. I seek to find solutions for them to keep them from suffering hardships or problems, even when I am acutely aware that so many things are out of my control. Trying to maintain control of situations that are above me doesn’t hinder me, because the strong woman in me says to keep trying because there must be something that I can do. That superwoman mentality has proven problematic so many times in my life, but I readjust my cape and keep moving!

As a counselor, I often encounter women with this same strong mindset. Women who suffer from incredible anxiety and/or depression due to many of these issues. Women who take care of their immediate and extended families, women who experience employment problems, women who experience relationship problems, women who feel they must press forward, holding their head high and moving as if they can handle it all, and they appear to do it seamlessly. These women share how they have to stay up, stay strong, and take care of everything, even to the detriment of their own physical or mental health. When I ask them what they are doing to care for themselves, they often are at a loss because they don’t place themselves on the list of people to care for. I have realized through my work that I am she, she is me!

So often, women don’t operate in a way that allows them to be strong yet vulnerable at the same time. Vulnerability is a quality that we believe we can’t experience because it is portrayed as the opposite of strong. Vulnerability is not a weakness! I am here to tell you there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and exposing your true self to those that love you and care for you. Allowing someone else to take care of you and being ok with that is important. In life, you must commit to taking care of each other and allowing your people to have a voice and be instrumental in the functioning of the family. When that doesn’t happen, the results can be detrimental.

My prayer for me and for each of you is that we allow ourselves to be strong yet vulnerable, that we give our all to our partners, and that we all are healed in a way that leads to positivity, joy and peace!

This blog was created as a nod to the legacy my mother left. In honor of my mother’s 75th birthday (and all the strong women who deposited into my life), today I launched my nonprofit organization, In Her Honor! In Her Honor seeks to be a change agent in the lives of young people to enable them to realize their potential and attain success by providing a caring and supportive environment and emphasizing the important elements of mentoring, education, athletics, and positive self-regard. Our primary goal is to make a significant difference in the lives of youth through effective and caring service.

This is a nod to the legacy of my mother. SEB Apparel (an apparel company created by my son last year), was created as a nod to the legacy my mother left. I am her legacy, my sister is her legacy, my children, nieces and grandchildren are her legacy. What will yours be?

Welcome to Day 1 of the next chapter of your life. That always sounds so cliche’ and implies that you are to do something to actively change the trajectory of your life beginning today. The reason it sounds cliche’ is that it signifies that you haven’t been doing something to this point and that the change of calendar year will put you in a different place.

The truth of the matter is that so many people have been trying to do their very best with what they have, and the fact that you made it another day (not another year, because we have to take this life one day at a time) is something to celebrate. I want to take this time to send love and prayers to each of you for a year that exceeds all your expectations!

I also want to encourage you to trust yourself this year and do what brings you joy! Life is short and we spend so much time overthinking every aspect of it. I binge watched the final season of Insecure this week, and in an episode, the statement was made “what if there is no wrong answer?” when one of the characters was trying to make a decision for her life. I pose the same thought for you as you embark on a new year and are making decisions for yours. What if you chose what was right for you? What if you made choices that weren’t guided by anxiety and fear, but by hope and positivity? What if you appreciated your life for what it is? How would that change your outlook?

In 2022, I wish you peace, grace, good health, good decisions and love as you make the best of the life you have. Thank you for continuing on this journey with me…the best for all of us is yet to come!

It’s good to be back here! For those of you who follow me, you know I have not posted anything for several months, and to be honest, I could not find the words to write. As I shared in my first post, this blog was started in honor of my beautiful, courageous, amazing mother and grandmother. This space has been therapeutic for me and has enabled me to share from a variety of topics in an effort to help not only myself, but anyone who joins me on this journey. Since the inception of this blog, I have lost several other amazing, powerful, influential women in my life (most recently my beautiful friend and co-grandmother Diane Harris, who lost her courageous battle with breast cancer), and it has been difficult.

During the last few months, I have wrestled with grief, purpose, and legacy. We have reached the one year mark for the passing of my mother. I have taken the space to focus on my grief and have engaged in some much needed down time to get myself in a good space (not that I have arrived, but I’m a work in progress). I have thought about how we function in this current dumpster fire world we are living in, and have heard from so many people who are struggling with life in general. In my counseling sessions, I have shared space with people who are dealing with relationship issues, illnesses, trauma, and just a general struggle with day to day living. The themes are common and the struggle is real! I have talked to friends who are dealing with so much in life, and the ability to overcome these afflictions have been difficult. How do we find ways to be there for each other and continue to lift one another up?

In a recent conversation, I was speaking to someone who shared that everything they try to do in life has come with great struggle. They were sharing that they know people who everything happens very easily for, but that it was not their experience. I resonated with their plight, because I too have had success come with great struggle. I tread lightly when I say “everything happens very easily for”, because what we see on the outside is not always what it is. With that being said however, there are people that move through life with minimum difficulty. In my conversation with this person, I asked them “what can we learn from the struggle”?

Through struggle, we learn faith. Those of you who know the Bible, know the story of Job. Job had everything taken from him and was left with nothing but his faith in God. Even when his wife and friends told him he should give up, Job was steadfast in his faith and trust in God. I recognize when reading this story that this is not an easy place to be. Job lost his children and all of his possessions, yet he still held on to his faith. Job recognized that everything he had was due to God’s grace and that only what is gained through Christ will last.

Through struggle, we learn resilience. The ability to bounce back from negativity is a gift. To believe that we are going to make it, no matter what the circumstances look like is a blessing. Even when we don’t know how we are going to get through our current situation, the ability to look back and see how far we have come speaks to the resilience that rests within us. It helps us to stay in the fight even when we feel like we are losing. It helps us realize that we are stronger than we know, we are more resilient than we often believe.

Through struggle, we learn patience. Patience does not come easily for many. We live in a world where we want things quickly and freely. The faster we are able to have something, or do something, the happier we are. We want it and we want it now! Having to work and wait for something, no matter what it is, allows us to recognize the value of that thing and to treasure it and honor it for what it is.

Through struggle, we learn community. I have realized who my “people” are when I have gone through difficult times. I have learned who I can open up and share my true self with, and who is there because of what they think our relationship brings. I have said before that just because someone is on the same team as you, doesn’t mean they are rooting for you to win. I have found out who is rooting for me to win and celebrating with me, and who isn’t. That, in itself, is a major win!

Through struggle, we learn strength!

I titled this post “It is good that I have been afflicted” and I truly believe that! I am certainly not saying “good” as if there are things I wouldn’t gladly give back and not have to experience, such as loss, hurt, failed relationships, etc. However, through my afflictions I have gained more wisdom, power, strength and joy than I could have ever imagined. I have discovered who God is and who I am, and the power that is within me. I have realized my greatness in ways I would not have if every day had been smooth. I have learned lessons I would not have if I didn’t have challenges. I embrace the lessons of my past so my present and future can be brighter.

I asked a question earlier, and that was “how do we find ways to be there for each other and to lift each other up”? I believe that we do that by sharing our stories and authenticity with each other so in times of doubt, we can encourage others through our testimony. I believe we must take the time to help others when we can. Luvvie Ajayi Jones shared her very simple daily prayer, and that is to “let my helpers find me”. There are ways we can be helpers to others, and if we allow ourselves to be there for them, we may find an added blessing in the journey. I also believe we should show love, one to another, so that in difficult times, others know that they are not alone in the journey. Life can be hard, but we can get through it together!

Blessings and love!

Unfortunately, I write this blog right after saying goodbye to my great-aunt Aleathea Germany. She is the one in the picture I posted in February, and at that time I shared that I was blessed that she was still here. She was 87 years old and was the one that looked out for us after my grandmother passed away. She told us often that she promised my grandmother that she would take care of my mother, my sister and myself, and that she did well! Since then, she has loved on my children and granddaughters as well!

As we were attending her Homegoing or Celebration of Life service, I was struck by a thought. We celebrate the life of our loved ones after they pass, but how often do we do it for those who are living? How much do we let our people know that we love them, we see them, and we honor them? We often get so bogged down by the minutia of life, that even with the best intentions, we struggle to find the time to be consistent, patient and kind.

At the beginning of 2021, I shared with my husband that each month I was going to do something for someone I loved. Now this did not have to only be a family member or close friend, but could include people I wanted to let know they are valued as part of my life. These gifts could include an inspirational book, a custom t-shirt, a gift card to a restaurant, a trinket, etc. I wanted to do this to let people know they are seen and loved. This was important to me because we survived a very difficult 2020, and isolation, stress and anxiety are real! As a counselor, I am acutely aware that “just because I carry a load well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy”. We are all going through something, and the strongest of us need to have the space to say “I’m not okay, I feel ______”. To receive a token of love can be uplifting, and my hope is that they will know that I am here and I see them.

I also realize that in caring for others, and celebrating who they are, I often neglect to do the same for myself…as I am certain many of you do as well. In celebrating me, I must celebrate all of who I am. That can be difficult at times, because when I look at me, I often see the flaws, the shortcomings, the struggles…not the beauty, the strength, and resilience that is also a big part of who I am. I had to remind myself who I was and who I came from and that was uplifting for me. It made me realize that my greatness is non-negotiable, my power is real, my body is beautiful, and my accomplishments are a demonstration of my perseverance.

I came across this poem a few weeks ago and it speaks directly to what I am speaking of with regards to loving my whole self, flaws and all!

My mother-in-law, Barbara Lewis (who was an amazing, loving, beautiful woman in her own right), use to say all the time, “give people their flowers while they are alive”. That always resonated with me because it is so very important to do. Once people are gone, they can’t smell the flowers, hear the positive words, or know how valued they are.

Celebrate people while they are living, let them know you love them, and celebrate your life as well…they are worth it, you are worth it! And if no one has told you today…I love you and appreciate you for being here!

When my mother passed away on September 28, 2020, my sister and I were tasked with planning a service for her that honored the queen she was. In that planning, I knew that I wanted to speak at her funeral to share my thoughts about the 55 years I had her here on earth with me. In thinking about what I would say, I reflected on the hero she was and on the strength she exhibited each and every day of her life, even while dealing with progressive Multiple Sclerosis. She lived her life to the absolute fullest, and I want to remind you to do the same.

Below, you will find the words I spoke at my mother’s funeral. I encourage you as you read this, to find the heroes who are here with us right now and honor them while you can.

These are the words I shared:

How do I begin to honor my mother through this medium in a matter of a few minutes? This is something I have thought about, and prayed about, for several days now. In thinking about this, I have been reminded how 2020 has come through and brought some tremendous losses to us as a community. In February of 2020 Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba died. In July of 2020, Congressman John Lewis, a Black civil rights leader died. In August of 2020  Chadwick Boseman, the Black Panther died, and in September 2020 Sharon Broadnax, our Black Queen died. Now some of you may wonder, how is she going to compare Sharon Broadnax to Kobe, John and Chadwick?! I’m going to answer that for you right now!

Kobe Bryant made his imprint in the world by being the Black Mamba, and in living he demonstrated strength, resilience, and dedication to his craft in the world of basketball. There were numerous quotes he has been coined with, but two that resonate with me are “Everything negative — pressure, challenges — is all an opportunity for me to rise.”…and “I have self-doubt. I have insecurity. I have fear of failure. I have nights when I show up at the arena and I’m like, ‘My back hurts, my feet hurt, my knees hurt. I don’t have it. I just want to chill.’ We all have self-doubt. You don’t deny it, but you also don’t capitulate to it. You embrace it.” When Kobe was asked to talk about his definition of the Mamba mentality, he said “Mamba mentality is all about focusing on the process and trusting in the hard work when it matters most, It’s the ultimate mantra for the competitive spirit.  It started just as a hashtag that came to me one day, and it’s grown into something athletes — and even non-athletes — embrace as a mindset.”

Congressman John Lewis made a tremendous impact in our nation though his tenacity, drive, self-sacrifice, and perseverance. He believed that we have to stand up and fight for what is right, even if you have to do it alone. He is quoted as saying, “Never let anyone – any person or force – dampen, dim or diminish your light.” He also believed that “you cannot be afraid to speak up and speak out for what you believe. You have to have courage, raw courage.”

Chadwick Boseman, the Black Panther, passed away recently after battling colon cancer. Chadwick did not share his diagnosis with anyone and went about his life making an enormous impact on the world by his dedication, drive, and commitment to his craft and to the culture through his acting. I would imagine that he did not share what he was going through because he didn’t want to be looked at a certain way or judged by others. He left an incredible legacy in this world and his work is a lasting impression on his purpose. When Chadwick was asked about using one’s time wisely, he is quoted as saying “You have to cherish things in a different way when you know the clock is ticking, you are under pressure.”  When he discussed understanding your purpose in this world, he is remembered as saying, “Purpose crosses disciplines. Purpose is an essential element of you. It is the reason you are on the planet at this particular time in history.”

Sharon Broadnax, our Black Queen, passed away after a long and celebrated life that included her journey of living with Multiple Sclerosis. She wasn’t a famous basketball player, she wasn’t a civil rights activist, she wasn’t a famous actor, but like those before her, she was a hero, a representative of the culture, one who left it all on the field for those she loved. My mom loved her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She left a legacy of strength and resilience that will impact the world through her offspring. She raised her daughters to know that they are strong, independent, confident women who could achieve anything they put their minds to. She demonstrated courage and grace in everything she did. When my mom was diagnosed with MS, we were there with her and I remember her saying, “finally, we know what this is so now we know how to fight it.” She did not let her diagnosis define her, nor did it stop her from doing anything in this life.

She raised her grandchildren to know that they are leaders, loved and capable of overcoming any hurdle set before them, no matter what the naysayers say. She believed in them…through her eyes, they were only seen as successful, beautiful and competent young people. She cheered them on at every event they had, and everyone who knew her knew how special her grandchildren were and how much she loved and honored them.

She raised her great grandchildren to know that their voice matters, that they are phenomenal little queens and kings, and that the world is theirs to take on. Her tenacity can be seen in each of them, and her love and care was showered on them daily. She made sure to celebrate them, attending their school events, hosting birthday tea parties and Easter egg hunts, and taking them on movie and lunch dates whenever a new children’s movie came out.

We must be careful who we look to as heroes, because if we only look to those who are famous and rich, we miss the heroes that are living in front of us every day. My mother was a hero, and that was demonstrated by the way she lived her life…unapologetically, on her own terms, and in her own way. She did not live in sadness or defeat, and she did more living with her illness than most people do without. We often had to call her to find out what her plans were for the day because we knew she was not sitting at home just twiddling her thumbs. It would not be a surprise for her friends and former coworkers to see her downtown at the farmers market or on campus getting her lunch and sightseeing. She loved shopping, and she would get on the bus and travel to Tuttle Mall, Meijer’s or Target to generally buy something for her great grands. 

My mother was a hero by how she loved others. My mother wasn’t one that was easy to get to know, but once she knew and loved you, it was forever. My mother was a hero by how she worked with others. She was a hard and dedicated worker and did everything to the best of her ability. She did not believe in making excuses, but in pushing forward and making things happen. My mother would beat me to church when she started attending Bethany, and she was there every Sunday! My mother was not perfect by any means, as none of us are, but she was perfectly my mother.

There are heroes among us, and I encourage all of you to find them and to be them in life. My mother was a hero in the fact that she celebrated every holiday with her whole heart! She called us every birthday and sang a wonderfully original version of happy birthday, and we looked forward to it every year. We will no longer hear her sing happy birthday, but in my head, I hear her new song and I pray it comforts my sister, my children, my niece, and my grandchildren. That song is one we use to hear at Friendship, “I am free, praise the Lord I’m free, no longer bound, no more chains holding me, my soul is resting, it’s just a blessing, praise the Lord, hallelujah I’m free”.

My mother has joined the ancestors now, Grandpa Mark, Grandma Della, Grandma Laura and Aunt Mona welcomed her with open arms on September 28^th. Our loss here on earth is her gain in heaven. My mother is free and is running around heaven with her family and I take solace in that.

My sister and I are grateful to all of you for your love and support through this difficult time and we appreciate your continued prayers for our family. To Fatima, who took amazing care of our mom during the last 4 years, we could not have done any of this without you and to you we are grateful! To our children, we celebrate you and want you to know how much Grandma Sharon loved you. She was always bursting with pride at all you did. To her great grandchildren, I cannot even do justice to how she felt about you! To her friends Eloise and Charlotte, thank you for loving her and being there for her for such a long time. And to my sister, I would not have wanted to take this difficult journey with anyone but you. We made all our decisions together and we honored our mother in every way possible. I love you and I am always here for you!

To my mother, my hero, my friend I say…you were there when I took my very first breath in this world, and I was there when you took your very last. For all the breaths in between, and for all the breaths after, I thank you, I love you, and I will live out your legacy of strength, power, care, love and magic! Rest well mom, you deserve it!

Thank you for joining me on this labor of love! I have thought about hosting a blog for a while and life kept getting in the way. Work, family, personal obligations…all consumed my days. When my mother passed away in September, 2020, I began to look at life a lot differently and committed myself to living each day to its fullest and doing the things I love and that bring me joy. 

Part of that commitment to living fully is to think of my place in this world and how I will make an impact on it. My goal is to create space that will inspire those who join me to effect change in a positive way. Here we will discuss a host of important topics, all of which are in honor of the women who have blessed me personally. I appreciate you going on this journey with me, and I hope you find inspiration and motivation in my words, and as much joy in reading this as I do in writing it.  

I am officially launching this site today, January 21st, on what is my mother’s 74th birthday, and I am celebrating with her by letting the world know the amazing woman she was (and is). Happy birthday mom, I miss you tremendously and I love you with everything I am!

When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. -Audre Lorde

These are pictures of my family, my ancestors, my legacy! I am blessed because of them!