As I reflect on this day, I am reminded that this is a day that we celebrate, yet mourn. Today my mother would be 75 years old, and I continue to honor her in all that I do. In my remembrance of her, I remember her strength and the strength of those that went before me.

I was raised by all women…strong, independent, self-determined women! I was given the tools to be that same type of woman, not having to depend on anyone to have what I need. I was given the messages (both directly and indirectly) that I could stand on my own, I could do whatever I put my mind to, and I was to keep pushing through when adversity struck. Now please understand, I don’t belittle any of these messages as they have helped me accomplish some major goals in my life. For example, after flunking out of college at 18 for not doing what I needed to do during my freshman year, I eventually went back to that same institution years later to obtain my Ph.D.  I have rebounded from failed relationships, I have overcome incredible adversity, I have raised my children to be strong and capable young men who are making a difference in this world, and I have done so with great pride and forte.

When problems occur for me personally or for those in my family, I am one who tries to make sure everyone is ok. I seek to find solutions for them to keep them from suffering hardships or problems, even when I am acutely aware that so many things are out of my control. Trying to maintain control of situations that are above me doesn’t hinder me, because the strong woman in me says to keep trying because there must be something that I can do. That superwoman mentality has proven problematic so many times in my life, but I readjust my cape and keep moving!

As a counselor, I often encounter women with this same strong mindset. Women who suffer from incredible anxiety and/or depression due to many of these issues. Women who take care of their immediate and extended families, women who experience employment problems, women who experience relationship problems, women who feel they must press forward, holding their head high and moving as if they can handle it all, and they appear to do it seamlessly. These women share how they have to stay up, stay strong, and take care of everything, even to the detriment of their own physical or mental health. When I ask them what they are doing to care for themselves, they often are at a loss because they don’t place themselves on the list of people to care for. I have realized through my work that I am she, she is me!

So often, women don’t operate in a way that allows them to be strong yet vulnerable at the same time. Vulnerability is a quality that we believe we can’t experience because it is portrayed as the opposite of strong. Vulnerability is not a weakness! I am here to tell you there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable and exposing your true self to those that love you and care for you. Allowing someone else to take care of you and being ok with that is important. In life, you must commit to taking care of each other and allowing your people to have a voice and be instrumental in the functioning of the family. When that doesn’t happen, the results can be detrimental.

My prayer for me and for each of you is that we allow ourselves to be strong yet vulnerable, that we give our all to our partners, and that we all are healed in a way that leads to positivity, joy and peace!

This blog was created as a nod to the legacy my mother left. In honor of my mother’s 75th birthday (and all the strong women who deposited into my life), today I launched my nonprofit organization, In Her Honor! In Her Honor seeks to be a change agent in the lives of young people to enable them to realize their potential and attain success by providing a caring and supportive environment and emphasizing the important elements of mentoring, education, athletics, and positive self-regard. Our primary goal is to make a significant difference in the lives of youth through effective and caring service.

This is a nod to the legacy of my mother. SEB Apparel (an apparel company created by my son last year), was created as a nod to the legacy my mother left. I am her legacy, my sister is her legacy, my children, nieces and grandchildren are her legacy. What will yours be?

Welcome to Day 1 of the next chapter of your life. That always sounds so cliche’ and implies that you are to do something to actively change the trajectory of your life beginning today. The reason it sounds cliche’ is that it signifies that you haven’t been doing something to this point and that the change of calendar year will put you in a different place.

The truth of the matter is that so many people have been trying to do their very best with what they have, and the fact that you made it another day (not another year, because we have to take this life one day at a time) is something to celebrate. I want to take this time to send love and prayers to each of you for a year that exceeds all your expectations!

I also want to encourage you to trust yourself this year and do what brings you joy! Life is short and we spend so much time overthinking every aspect of it. I binge watched the final season of Insecure this week, and in an episode, the statement was made “what if there is no wrong answer?” when one of the characters was trying to make a decision for her life. I pose the same thought for you as you embark on a new year and are making decisions for yours. What if you chose what was right for you? What if you made choices that weren’t guided by anxiety and fear, but by hope and positivity? What if you appreciated your life for what it is? How would that change your outlook?

In 2022, I wish you peace, grace, good health, good decisions and love as you make the best of the life you have. Thank you for continuing on this journey with me…the best for all of us is yet to come!